The Art of Social Communication

Being highly sensitive seems to challenge the art of social communication in many ways. In my experience of being social, the art of communication becomes further complicated when more people are involved. There are a multitude of scenarios that have varying degrees of influence as one tries to navigate these settings when their nervous system struggles to adjust to overwhelming stimuli.

The interplay between the physical, mental and emotional bodies are patterned responses that are an expression of conditioning that can be sourced from childhood or other lifetimes, depending on the intensity felt. There is an innate need for approval that is a survival tactic that when we are young, plays out with our caregivers. Because there is often not a frame of reference other than any given experience, there is no contrasting view point or another point of view to other an opposing consideration that could illicit self-compassion. This lack creates a nervous system response as it is internalized as a fight of flight scenario or a fear of not surviving should this course continue along this trajectory. Where has this come from?

This fear, more times than not, is not founded in reality but given the lack of experience at this age, it can be very real and very scary to a sensitive.

Our world’s lack of sensitivity, particularly as a result of our gender roles ascribed to us, attempt to condition us into these boxes that can often be felt as rigid and controlling. Where is authenticity when our conditioning is so rooted in our need to socially survive? Has my mind yet again tried to bring an understanding to something that it cannot make sense of? What can I be present for so that I can simply let it be? In this state I can become curious to what is happening in my body. In this state I can become curious to what I am feeling.

There is an open-mindedness, an expansiveness with this opportunity. When one is here, they can flow through the art of social communication, slipping into the conversation while noticing the body and emotions. The contrast is letting the mind with its judgements create duality and opinion. Neither of these are constructive to the person with whom you are conversing with, nor yourself as there is no growth past formed opinions or beliefs that you are identifying with.

If this is empathically picked up on by the other person than an awkwardness ensues as two empaths are in a state of empathic freeze. Locked in this, the mind will attempt to revert to its programming as a way of jolting out of this. The nervous system responds as self-judgements begin that are echoes from past established patterns. Taken personally the present moment with the person in front of you is now miles away. How much time has passed? Where are you now? Where are they?

What is being played out here is the world behind the mask that we have been conditioned to hold up as we engage with others within social settings. Being denied a truth will always come with consequences. Could this merely be seen as a self-esteem issue? Is it about building self-confidence in social settings? What is being denied validation or expression when we solely see this as the answer? How can spiritual and personal growth be achieved when seen only one-dimensionally?

I do not feel that this is over-analyzing the experience. I see this as an opportunity to experience any given social experience from a more holistic sense. Remove judgements and limitations and the mind does not have any anchors that connect it to its past frame of references which are recycled in that moment. This often cheats the communication exchange of any opportunity for grounded authenticity.

One could say that common ground to some degree needs to be established first which often begins as ‘small talk’ and yet the structure and rigidness of social procedure can make that appear to be a gamble of sorts. What to do?

As I sit here struck by this question, my mind once again wants to answer this, and yet this is not its place to have an answer. And so, I am left in my own presence.

Is there a natural flow to this communication? What energy is being created here, from them, from me? Is it amicable? Judgements are blunt and definitive. They are not helpful and are rather combative. All is energy and it is always flowing, everywhere we are and all that we are is an expression and observance of it. When seen in this light we are not attached to an outcome. As we hold space for another, we allow their flow to be given validation. When they allow space for us, our expression receives validation. As this ebbs and flows what in this mutually respected space can be created? Personal and spiritual growth?

Can the social communication norms that hinder and challenge this organic flow be reconsidered or have we become too fractured and in such a collective state of need for validation that this is too far removed from our consciousness?