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  • Writer's pictureJoseph Machney

Who Have I Become?

Considering the idea that we’ve lived before this lifetime, who were we during that time and how much of who we were is still here now? When this idea is taken into consideration alongside your current perception of your personal reality as well as your relationship to not only people in your life, but society too, then who are you really? Who am I? When we are born, there are various influences that surround our birth. These are astrological, ancestry, societal, cultural, and a myriad of others. Some of these play a role in who we are at the moment of birth and some are learnt or adopted.

There is an innocence to being an infant. In this state of innocence we have a recollection of being unconditionally loved. It may be from a cellular memory and yet for those of us whom are sensitive, it is palpable in a way that we cannot understand at such an innocent age. As we grow, we take on attributes of our society, be them family, culture, history of the country, education system or ancestral. Often all of these at any given moment. These vehicles or mediums of articulation are not complete and yet this is what we are given. This is conveyed as an incomplete expression of who we are, what we need, and what we can receive from the world we are brought into. Something is lost in translation. So, although we are born with an idea of wholeness, we have no way of expressing it due to society limitations in all of their manifestations. I wonder how much of our life do we spend trying to find this innocence that we have always had, yet we’re unable to give life to and so have been longing for since the beginning? What have we done to fill that void? How many generations have we been doing this, perpetuating this incompleteness? How do you get back to where you’ve always been and yet due to the constraints of where and how you have become a product of society, the memory of that place is distorted? Peeling back the layers of not just this lifetime but others and their influence upon your purity, your truth, in my experience, has awakened the sleeping infinite oneness within. There is an aura, an energy that surrounds us that has not been encroached upon by the centuries of lifetimes and their multiple levels of manipulations. The truth that we have always been unconditionally loved and always will be is predicated on us understanding the role of our history, be it cultural, societal, and the rest. The need for validation and approval from others is a sensitive’s challenge in their life. It has been mine. Yet as I understand the layers at play that have been since I was born, I am able to recontextualize my relationship to others and the world as well as to myself. The natural question that comes from this is, Who Have I Become? Who am I without everything that I have taken on that has defined who I am to the world? All of which has formed a sense of self as my relationship to the world? As I sit with these questions, I find myself curious as I observe the considerations that arise. Have they too been manifestations of how I have been taught to see myself? When do judgements come into this? Where are their origins? Is unconditional love a part of this? I feel that all of my pondering in trying to find an answer to the riddle of Who Have I Become can never be answered through the paradigm in which we have been taught to view ourselves and our reality. It is a distortion and in truth, a distraction. We need no thing and yet paradoxically we always want something. Has there ever been a time when we as a society has never wanted anything? I was born into this world and yet it feels so foreign from where I came from. Can I go back or am I destined to bring the unconditionally loving existence that feels like my true self and essence here, to this time? What happens when I embrace this as my destiny? Not a goal, but a state of being without the structure of imposition which is generally a product of how we have been conditioned by society. Can I become this version of myself? Is this my authentic self as I consider the levels of conscious and unconscious programming that have shaped who I am? Which version feels lighter?

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